OMG WTF 2010 soon

I trust that everyone had a good Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanzaa/Ramadan/Whatever the hell you celebrate.

You, I haven't posted my usual brand of comedy in a while because I recently climbed mount Everest without oxygen. Chuck Norris was my shurpa. Everytime I passed out from lack of oxygen, he plucked one of his beard hairs to revive me. The folicle releases a rush of oxygen, carbohydrates and enough energy to power the island of Manhattan for 348 minutes.

So anyway, there are approximately so, lets see whats in the news.

So, what is with all the terrorism near Detroit. I mean, what did Detroit do to Nigeria that was so bad? I mean, I know GM is in that area and GM is the most evil corporation (until the Obama Administration) but come on. Nigerians, stop attacking planes, I have to get to Detroit today.

Okay, so this crazy woman rushes over and barrels down the Pope as he was doing his Pre-Christmas mass. I'm glad the pope is okay, but this was the single funniest thing I have seen since that one episode of Futurama. You know the one. It had Fry in it.

Ok, so I went to the carnival this weekend and I saw a guy with a superman tattoo on his chest. I really wanted to hit him with this shovel I had, but he was wearing a lil Wayne hat. Superman would NEVER wear a lil Wayne hat. Also, why would superman be in the Bahamas?

What else can I add in here to take up space. Oh! This one time at band camp...everyone died

Happy Kwanzaa Everypeople

Now, I know everyone is wondering what Kwanzaa is. Well, I have no idea. There is, however, a book on the subject. If you were a good fighter for equal rights this year then Kwanzaa Bot will break into your house and leave the traditonal Kwanzaa book for you.

Its Christmas

Now GTFO of the internet. Also, make sure you send me my present or I will find you and I will destroy you.

Awesome nerd picture I saw today

Last minute Christmas shopping tips

There are three shopping days until Christmas. Here are a few things to keep in mind:

1. Diamonds are a girl's best friend. But if she has cataracts then cubic zirconia is a lovely acquaintance

2. Sex is a risky gift for Christmas. If it is good then you lucked out. But if it is bad then you can't return it and you will remember it for a lifetime. Also, waking up pregnant is normally something ladies want to do since there is alot of drinking to be had on New Years Eve

3. Don't be afraid to be stereotypical. Some women love pots, pans and other kitchen stuff. This might be the time to get that new stove she will be slaving over next year.

4. When buy a gift for men, it is fairly simple. But don't assume cologne or a tie will do it. A wife dressed in a sexy maid outfit is practical for any holiday. You can even get more festive by dressing up as naughty Mrs Clause

5. If you are buying a car for that special someone, make sure you buy a car that has good fuel efficiency. Those 6 mile/gallon Hummers don't really cut it.

6. Some people get flowers. If you buy flowers don't buy the ones that are cut already. Just like you Christmas tree or a crappy marraige, it will die. Buy something exotic that is in a pot and take care of it as a bonding thing. (Holy shit, this one is actually a good idea)

7. Buy your dude a flat screen TV. Its almost time for the superbowl and its good to watch the game on a giant TV while you are making him and his friend nachos on your new stove.

8. When shopping for kids, just take them with you to buy thier gift. The brats know what they want. If you are one of those people that like to buy you child's gift 2 months early, see if it is still something they want. Also, stop buying your kid's gift 2 months early.

9. Canada

10. Gift cards are a lovely present at someone's favorite story. They want the money instead though. They need flexibility and your thoughtfullness is kinda stupid.

Have a nice Christmas people

NO GOKU, YOU'LL DESTROY US ALL

Lupus

Hannukah

Happy Hannukah to all those who celebrate this one.

This reminds me of a funny story. So last year I was celebrating Christmas and this acidic jewish guy came up to me and asked me if I knew what time it was. I noticed that I did not have my watch with me so I told him that I can't help him. Then out of nowhere, this Irish guy comes up and punches my Jewish friend in the face. Curious as to why he did that, I asked him. He said he did it because it was a leap year. Never have I been more confused as to why an Irish guy punched someone. Though the irish guy was kicked in the chin by a nun. That only raised more questions. I need to stopped taking flights that connect in Atlanta

Tips for safe Trick-or-Treating in the ghetto

I know its a bit late, but you can use these next year.

1. Towels tied to bullet proof vests make excellent capes. If you want to get really spectacular, make your cape entirely out of the material and you have an excellent shield against drive-bys

2. Wear neutral colours. Try to stay away from heavy blues and reds as these are notorious gang colours. No matter your gender, pink is very safe.

3. Stay away from houses that have 6 or more old broken down cars in front of them. Rats make them thier homes.

4. If you see a chihuahua, stay back! A pit bull is not far behind.

5. Try not to take a Blackberry or LG Chocolate cell phone with you. The Nokia 1500 series is less likely to get you mugged.

6. Do no take pixie sticks that have white suger in it. It isn't sugar.

7. Wear comfortable running shoes.

8. Mace is your friend

9. There is safety in numbers. There is even more safety if you have an AK-47 on you.

10. Stay away from homes that smell like it has turkey cooking...Its not thanksgiving yet.

11. Try to stay near streelights. Hookers are allergic to most forms of artificial lighting.

12. DON'T TOUCH ANY PLANTS

13. If you want to go as a ghost, invest in make-up. Going with a sheet over you makes your body easy to dispose of.

14. Keep a car within a 2 house range. If you are in the ghetto then someone will likely be fighting with thier baby mama. Gunshots are likely to follow.


Follow these tips and you will make it to Thanksgiving, Christmas and beyond

More good shows...none of this Drake and Josh shit

AWESOME CHILDHOOD

This is the first of many All That posts....No infringement intended. (I have to say this so I won't be sued)

Story time

Ok, so this one time when I was like 7, I decided it would be fun to play with fire. So, I got this toy I had and began taking it apart so that I can get to the wires.

Well, when I finally did so, I realised that we had some paper and alcohol sitting in the corner. So, I went over, grabbed the paper, lit it with the spark from the exposed wires and then dipped the falming end into a bowl of alcohol.

I was so mesmerised by the flame that I didn't even notice that I had put the toy down......Well, the wires got crossed and lit my bed sheet on fire. This scared the shit out of me, causing me to accidently knock the flaming bowl of alcohol over. (This is why I should never be unsupervised...especially no that I am chemistry major in college)

Well, I managed to get the fire out by pouring a bowl of water onto the sheet (I was smart enough to think of this). Needless to say, my grandmother gave me a good whuppin' when she came from work.

~Moral of the story: No matter how old your grandmother is, don't assume anything, she might still be able to swing a belt

Pi

Delicious right?

Jehovah's Witness

Before I start, let me just say that I respect everyone's religion and no offence is intended...just comedy.



So, today some Jehovah's Witnesses came to my house and I decided to have some fun with them. So I yelled out the door, "Just a minute." and decided to prepare my attack.

So, I walked outside with no shirt on, really short pants, clothes pins on my nipples and a mask on my face. The two guys out there had the most amazing expressions on thier face. As I made my way to the fence they whispered something to each other. I don't know what was said, but I knew they were scared.

As they were talking to me about God, looking very stressed, my friend called from inside asking me where I was. I said, "I'm outside honey." Then, he walked outside, came up to me and kissed me on my cheek. All I did was turned to the two religion guys, told them I was very busy and my friend and I went back inside. I turned around to see the most aamazing expression on thier faces. Guess it will be a while before the come to my house again ^.^

Remember this one guys?

Even though Pokemon was alot more famous, I remember watching this show before we had the internet in my house. After that moment, everything revolved around things 7 year olds shouldn't be watching. Also, about the no post yesterday, I was entertaining the troops in Iraq. I support our troops, but war is stupid. Now, on to that video

Lazy today

I feel lazy from fighting superman....oh, I won. It was even in today's news

fuck you Clark


But, here is the actually funny picv of the day...sorta


A true nerd will laugh at this no matter how much you have seen it before

Signs you were the chubby kid in elementary school

Ok, these are things I noticed about myself and others who came a long way from those days.

1. Your grade six shirts are too big for you.

2. Your dimples are permanantly eched into your cheeks (both sets of cheeks)

3. One day you went to tie your shoes and you realise you can see you toes (This was wierd when this happened to me)


4. People say you look slim when you know you havent lost weight in a few years. (This would be a bit after elementary school)

5. Your mom/dad has some insulin stored in a cryogenic freezer because the doctors told you that you would be diabetic

6. This is probably the most accurate way to know. It worked for me. You look at pictures from elementary school, try to find everyone, come across the chubby kid then realise its you 5 minutes later

~URGENT NEWS~

This just in, economists are very optomistist about the national reciver finally being underway. Large drops in the unemployment rate spur hope in the future. Sources say however, that the drops are not cause by people finding job, but by Godzilla coming out of his 27 year sleep cycle and terrorizing parts of the Midwest United States.


In other news, a huge blizzard is forecasted to hit the West and MidWest. I will have more on this when informations comes to my tropical island paradise where temperatures are still a very nice 80 degrees.

~~~~~
Since 1980, there have been 91 security breaches into the White House. I went on lcation to find out more, but the secret service got mad that I was in the president's office. Maybe the shouldn't have been counting how many people broke in and should have been preventing it from happening.



There have been many rumors that Tiger Woods is a sex addict. We tried to reach Mr. Woods for his side of the story, but apparently Jenna Jameson was answering calls in his stead.


That is all for news tonight. WMSX Channel >9000

A cool video I saw

!No copyright infrigement intended~ That being said, where's my pie?

Wierd sleeping today

Ok, So today I woke up at about 6am and I was watching some TV. Nothing too interesting, but then at around 9 or so I decided to go back to sleep for a bit. So, I decided to put on some Owl City and I went to sleep.

I first knew it would be an interesting nap (well I don't really want to call it a nap because naps are for humans...) when I started to have this dream whereby I was a scientist studying how kangaroos fend off thier natural prey....zebras. Apparently punching them in the gills works wonders.

After this dream was over, I decided it was time to wake up. Well, this took me about an hour or so to do. Everytime I woke up, I was stil stuck in a dream whereby I was in my room, EXACTLY how my room is currently set up. The problem was, everytime I would awaken, my muscles seemed to not be working properly so I had to keep going back to sleep in order to wake up a little bit more everytime. Everything was going fairly well, but there seemed to be a problem with my neck. I had no control over my neck muscles. I would sit up but my neck was still at a 90 degree angle. This caused my eyes to be unable to focus.

There was another wierd thing happening though. I was completely aware of everything that was happening. I was awake in my dream. Thank God my head phones slipped off. The removal of the music seemed to have given me the ability to wake up. Maybe the music that is Owl City has some for of lucid dream inducing properties.

This entire post is true. I cannot make this shit up. Well, I can, but I didn't this time.

Pokemanz

One of my fave pokemon songs. Enjoy. OMFG, its Friday isn't it. Porn night tonight

Souljah Boy (Edited for grammatical errors)

This was funnier in my head cuz I did it in my British accent.

(You!)
Soldier boy, I told them.
Excuse me, I have a new dance to show you. It is called the Soldier Boy
(You!)
You have to punch then crank back three times from left to right.
(Indeed!)

[Chorus: x2]
Soldier boy off into this promiscuous woman
Watch me crank it
Watch me roll
Watch me crank that soldier boy
Then I will proceed to Superman that promiscuous woman
Excuse me, can you watch me?
(Crank that Soldier Boy)
Excuse me, can you watch me?
(Crank that Soldier Boy)
Excuse me, can you watch me?
(Crank that Soldier Boy)
Excuse me, can you watch me?
(Crank that Soldier Boy)

[Verse 1:]
Soldier boy off into this promiscuous woman
Watch me lean and watch me rock
Superman that promiscuous woman
Then watch me crank that Robocop
Super fresh, now watch me jock
I am jocking on the haters, sir
When I do the Soldier Boy
I lean to the left and crank that thing
(now you)
I'm jocking on your spiteful buttocks
And if we get the fighting
Then I'm going to have to use my weapon
You catch me at your local party
Yes, I crank it everyday
Haters getting mad at me because
I purchased the Bathing Apes athletic shoes

[Chorus x2]

[Verse 2:]
I'm bouncing on my toea
Watch me super soak that promiscuous woman
I'm going to pass it to Arab
Then he's going to pass it to Don Loc (loc)
Haters want to be me
Soldier Boy. I'm the man
They are looking at my neck
Saying it's the rubber band man (man)
Watch me do it (watch me do it)
Dance (dance)
Let us get to it (let us get to it)
Nope, you can't do it like me
Promiscuous woman, so don't do it like me
Folk, I see you trying to do it like me
Man, that fecal matter was offensive to the eye sight

[Chorus x4]

Then there is some other stuff, but I got bored so I am clicking publish.

If I were a bird.

Contrary to the title of this post the will be no birds. I don't want to cntract bird flu. You see, while everyone is worried about swine flu, the birds are going to rise up again and destroy the human race. But, I will be there to happily help repopulate.

Ok, so interesting thing today. I was walking down the street and there was this ice cream truck. Now, I really didn't know that they moved that slow but when I looked up again, the truck was behind me. Incidently, you can out-pace an ice-cream truck if you walk at a moderate speed.

Also, that damned Christmas tree made an appearance in my schedule again today. Since I celebrated Kwanzaa last year I may celebrate Hanukkah this year. Does anyone know where I can get good deals on dreidels and menorahs?

I think I need to start coming up with actual ideas for these posts. I don't like this impromptu stuff. But, its in my nature to be random. Well, I am going to go find a ride back home. I don't know how I ended up in Paris today

~RAWR

Hi everybody. Welcome to another exciting post on "Tales of a Mad Scientist"

Now, there was no update yesterday and I must apologize. You see, I was trying to assassinate Vladmir Putin, but when I was testing the neuro-toxic gas bomb it kind of went off in my face. So, after 12.7 million dollars in surgery and 3.2 million dollars in chocolate, ice cream and porn, I am back on the blogo-sphere.

Few things today:

1. Ok, so apparently Tiger Woods is refusing to talk with investigators about what exactly happened the day he crashed and had to be free by his wife (she smashed the window with one of his golf clubs). What I think happened was they got into an argument and his wife decided not to be a wimp anymore. While trying to get away he messed up and ended up crashing (OOPSIE DAISY). Hopefully Tiger can sort this out.


What the attack weapon looks like


2. With Thanksgiving gone and December here, it's almost Christmas. I hope everyone was nice this year, you don't want Santa to think you were naughty. (More on Christmas as it actually occurs)



3. The year and the decade are nearly done. For the last 10 days of the year, I will have a different post about the major highlights of each year. Wow, I can't believe we are done with another decade already. It feels like 2000 just started about 10 years ago.


Well, there are a few main points. Again, I apologize for not being able to update yesterday. I will try to keep almost dieing to a minimum. PEACE OUT Y'ALL

Sunday thing

I believe this is what is gonna happen every Sunday. Can I have a prize for being so lazy?

Watch out for that tree.

So as you would have heard, Tiger Woods was in a car accident and was las tlisted as in serious condition at the hospital. There are, however, somethings that I do not understand. How is it that he was driving fast enough, coming out of his drive-way, hit a fire hydrant and still be going fast enough to het a tree? The wierd thing is, they say he wasn't drunk or on drugs.

Atleast if he was drunk or something then I would undstand it, but how did Tiger fail SOOO MUCH. Oh another thing. The airbags didn't deploy. You see, Tiger drives an 09 cadillac(well, not anymore) so I know the airbags work. Why didn't they go off? What is this magic number?

This whole event reminds me of this picture.


Leave it to Tiger to have a fail so awesome it's almost a win. Well Tiger I guess the only driving you should be doing is on a golf course . :-)

These are the jokes people

Ok, I am going to attempt some comedy today. This post will entail my experiences for the day.

~OPEN THE DOOR~
So, my job decided to make it such that you have to swipe your ID card to get into and out of the building. This makes sence but there were however, a few peoblems. First, only one person knows how to work the system. I did not get a card. This person was on vacation all week. For the first 4 days this week I didnt have a problem, I just went in with other people. Today however, I had drank a large quantity of water and needed to pee, badly. (Hope those cleaners use the good mop today)

~Horrible drivers~
So this one guy decided that he was going to use his company vehicle to drive recklessly down the highway. I will see to it that this man is fired...out of a cannon....into the sun.(No seriously, I am going to get his ass fired)


~They make what for where?~
Ok, so our company has been using these deoderizes and it got me thinking about what all they make deoderizers for. Apparently, you can buy special sprays for vaginas. In my opinion, if vaginas were suppose to smell like oranges then they would be grown in Florida and shipped to hospitals. Also, why would a woman want her private areas smelling like wildflowers in a meadow?




~These are the jokes people!

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving Day. Unlike America, this is not a holiday in my country, therefore I am at work. stupid government. Anyway, I hope everyone has a fun Thanksgiving. So many turkeys have been slaughtered for this occasion. But unlike you heartless morons, I had lobster for lunch today with cheesecake for dessert. :-)

Speaking of saving turkeys, the Obama kids decided that they don't want to kill the turkey that was going to be on thier plate. So, President Obama pardoned the turkey......This put the turkey with others such as president Nixon who was also pardoned for whatever the hell he did. The thing is, there are starving children all over the world that would eat that turkey, but they felt sorry. BOO-fricken-HOO. Those girls need to grow some balls. JK, oh well, I hope they enjoy thier dinner today. YOUR DOING GOOD MISTER PRESIDENT...I think.

Well, I hope everyone enjoys the rest of thier Thanksgiving and are able to wake up from thier Tryptophan/Serotonin induced coma for work tomorrow. PEACE OUT ERRY'BODY

SkiFree

(sorry the picture is soo squished. Google hates me. Oh well, I own 98% of thier stock)

Today's XKCD reminded me of a game I use to play alot when I was still using Windows 95. SkiFree was one of those games that ate up alot of time simply because you sit there pressing one button in a game where the background was on an infinite loop. So really it was something to do when you are done watching porn or being productive....or some sick combination of the two.

The only bad thing about this game is that there is this annoying snowman piece of crap. That eats you when you are winning. The moster looks a bit like this.


WHOOPS, That was for my political hero's post...hehehe. No, Hillary Clinton is awesome and I am sure she is doing a wonderful job as Secretary of State. (Woman...Secretary? sexism in the white house I see)

This is the monster


He likes eating people..and not in a good way. All in all, this was a good game and I think I am going to spend the next 38 days playing it. Though I will be taking regular porn breaks.... BYE GUYS

Ninjas

Sorry These last few posts have been late guys. You see, at work I have been doing 7~8 non-stop hours of outside stuff. Not to mention my usual black guys stuff and my daily attempts at world domination. Speaking of which, the nation of Ukraine is now Canada. Old Canada will no longer exist as a country. (WIN)

So about those ninjas. Like the homosexual community, ninjas keep the population in check. Thier natural prey consist of noobs, tools, important diplomats and phytoplankton.

Ninjas are normally found in the shadows, thier natural habitat, waiting for thier next kill. They are amoung the most patient predators known to man. However, global warming has pushed them out of thier natural habitat.



This picture shows a domesticated family of ninjas. Ninjas aren't normally in this type of environment but climate changes is pushing them into new areas.

NOT A NINJA



Though we never see them, ninjas play an important role in our societies and have given us many benefits. The invented the shuriken, poison and Hilary Clinton, the single greatest weapon ever.

Now to wrap this up, a archived news cast about ninjas

Ninja Parade Slips Through Town Unnoticed Once Again

Blast From the Past One

ITS POWER RANGERS TIME. Anyone from my generation would know that this was one of the greatest shows of our time. Now that we are not stupid, snot-nosed kids, we know it sucks. But let's reminicse on the good times we have.



This is such an awesome theme song. Just listening to it brings back memories. NOSTALGA BITCHES

So, episodes basically went like this:

1. Holy shit guys, we're in school
2. -Zordon calls-
3. I gots me a test Zordon, make it quick

~they go and get briefed~

4. OMFG WE CAN WIN

~meets villian and gets thier asses kicked~

5. OMFG ZORDON WE NEED HELP

~Calls giant, fucking robots from the sky~

6. YEAH LOOK AT MY SWEET NEW RIDE

~win/episode is over~

Such a good show right?

I like the power rangers because it gave me the illusion that minorities could be important. (THE BLACK RANGER WAS ACTUALLY BLACK). There was even an asian chick in there. That gave me hope for when I started hanging out with white kids. Red Ranger = greatest ranger ever. He's doing gay porn now ~claps hands~.

Lets not forget the villians


(Chocolate RAIIIIIIIIIIN)

I love Rita,,,,,she needs a perm though

And this guy (I still believe they used the same code as with Master Computer)


CPU BITCHES

Oh Power Rangers. I love the original show. But all this lightspeed rescue shit is ridiculous. Anyway, like it or hate it, Power Rangers are awesome

So Lazy

Well you wierdos, I realised that I am far to lazy to write an actual post today. Instead, please enjoy the following image

Lazy Saturday

Hey guys, welcome to another lazy Saturday. Though the day is almost over. Someone didn't wake me up earlier. They now live 3 miles underwater. The bad thing about weekends is I don't have any new material to bring to you guys. That will change in a few weeks though.

Alright, so apparently Nickelodeon has a new show called FanBoy and Chum Chum. Can someone say copyright infringement? I watched about 3 different episodes today and my favorite one based on StarWars. Thier janitor's name was Poopatine. He's married to some robot named Martha and has an affinity for kiddy porn. Another episode I saw had a Dr. Count Dracula. Apparently he majored in 'Accounting' (yeah, didn't see that shit coming) and is a real vampire. Though the show is kind of stupid I am gonna continue to watch it and you guys should to.

Like I said earlier this post is kinda boring. You see, unlike the millions of people out thier, my weekends are boring. I mean, I can only have so much sex in a day. Maybe I can get President Obama to help me with this blog. God knows he isn't doing anything else important. President of America, BIG WHOOP. Speaking of which, those idiot senators are talking about health care again. You Americans are paying for thier overtime so hahahahahaha. I was smart. I don't pay taxes.

Well, I am going back to sleep. I still have to get through the rest of that porn later. A more interesting post will come tomorrow. SO GET OFF MY BACK.

SEACREST OUT

Ahhhhhh, Friday

Well guys it's Friday and the weekend is finally here. I think I will finally take a break from my Communist agenda and promote some comedy today.

First ~> New Moon

The second movie in the Twilight series is out today and I gotta watch it. The thing is, I don't know if I want to watch it now or watch it with friends when I go back to America. If worse come to worst I will bootleg it. Fuck you international copyright laws. For those of you that like Twilight go out and watch this movie now. For those of you that don't like Twilight, go die. My friend James Harper over at Somewhat Funny Things has more info on this.

Number B ~> My Life is Average

Today while at work one of my co-workers came in singing "Age of Aquarious" I immediately jumped in and started singing to chorus much to the amusement of my other co-workers. I then proceeded to submit the story to MLIA. I work with the greatest people ever. MLIA


Roman Numeral 7 ~> So I was walking though this primary school (elementary school to you Americans who think you are so fucking great) and I realised that kids are mean. The hit each other, insult their teachers and use up massive amounts of oxygen that I need for my Crystal Meth lab. Good news though, that school is now located in Pakistan

9th ~> I am declaring tomorrow "International Wake up Day" Show your support by being concious tommorrow...or you will be eliminated.


MadScientist ....OUT

Real Life Events

I realise that I have met numerous interesting people in my life. The majority of which I have met within the past 2 or so years I have been attending college. The following is a story from someone I met this past summer.

I was also told that my friend James Harper knows of these events

> I guess I'll start with a tale of the biggest dumbass I know.
>
>
> Once upon a time there was a man, we'll call him... Skylar. Skylar was the fucking koolest kat you'll ever meet, but he had very unfortunate luck.
>
> One time while driving home from a movie in mid December, Skylar thought it would be a great Idea to try and pass the dumbasses going 2 miles an hour in front of him, making it very difficult for him to get to his destination. As he pulled around the dodge in his '96 Mercedes (no joke), he hit a patch of what we can only assume was ice. as this happened he was thrown from the road like hotwheels car on a track that hasn't been finished. Propelling him almost 200 yards into the shallow end of a pond on the side of the road. Regaining consciousness almost a full 10 minutes later, he realized, oh shit, I'm in a body of water in the middle of FUCKING DECEMBER! thinking quickly he reached for his cell phone to call his folks, a reasonable thought. But oh wait, His parent's were out of town for their anniversary, and who was in charge of him and his 2 siblings while they were away.. that's right, his Grandmother. The Conversation went something like this.
>
> "Hello?"
>
> "Yeah, Hi grandma, I may have driven into a pond..."
>
> "Oh for fuck's sake I'll be right there."
>
> In this time a kindly Bounty Hunter with a truck the size of my house (i couldn't make this up) was nice enough to help Skylar out of his somewhat wet and frostbitten predicament, for the reasonable fee of 150 dollars. Even after all this his car was still in perfect working condition, minus the front bumper, both side view mirrors, and his front driver window (all of which I assume are still at the bottom of said pond). So like any normal human being, he decided to drive it home.
>
> Oh did I forget to mention he was on his first date with a girl from his high school, yeah, not the best date in recorded history, I'm sure. And where did this charming woman live you might ask. Fucking Novi. So, not only did Skylar have to drive his ass home, but later his grandmother had to drive his date home with him, as she was practically paralyzed with fear. What a joyous hour or so ride that must have been.
>
> The only words of condolence he would receive was when he called his father to explain what had happened. Who would say to him.
>
> "Well that's why they are called accidents."
>
> The story you have just read isn't based on real events, they ARE real events.

Reese's: The Greatest Thing EVAR

So today I found myself seriously craving some Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. You see, after two days of fighting those fucking Canadians, I needed some of these things. So anyway, I was on my way to my regular shaman (I have to go to him because he makes them with pure virgin blood) and the sucker tells me he is out of peanut butter. I was PISSED.

After a through raping by me,I left the deep jungles of Borneo and I decided that I had to buy them from WalMart. I fucking hate WalMart. Four and a half years ago while I was coming back from an assassination job, I had learnt that Seth McFarland and the Pope had contracted the owners of WalMart to kill my family. This didn't really upset me because my family is murdered every week (Thank God for cloning). What really upset me was that they broke my favorite vase. No one breaks my favorite vase.

This was the straw that broke the camals back. After a series of missions that are far too elaborate to explain, I got a bit of revenge. Seth McFarland got away from me through a technicality (fucking kindergarners). The Pope however was not so lucky. When they elected the new Pope I immediately told him who was boss. This is why Popes are no longer allowed in the states of Vermont, Maine Florida, Michigan or anywhere in souther Japan. I keep my secret supplies in these places.

(back to current day)
So I walked into WalMart and found my candy. The reason I don't like eating WalMarts brand is because they don't perform the dark rituals long enough. But, I got my candy, killed some Canadians and I am currently plotting my attack on New Zealand. I fucking hate kiwis.

Tuesday? Really? Again?

Well you people, its Tuesday again. If you're anything like my doctor, you might bitch at me today. I have no idea why she does that, but it always happens around the same time every month. What happens in women's bodies that make them so emo? I will never understand it.

Ok, so today while I was getting ready for work, I decided to go do some black guy stuff on the internet and I found a hilarious video from the popular movie "Pulp Fiction". This is the scene when Samuel Jackson gets pissed for no reason at all.

I think this is my favorite movie scene of all time...well, except for that one porno scene. Backdoor Ladies Vol. 136 is probably the greatest movie ever, but I digress.

Sam Jackson is possible the blackest person ever (Wesley Snipes, Mr. T and Madonna come close) and it's awesome. So anyway, in this scene Sam is interviewing so random guy and he decided to be a bit egotistical, and by egotistical I mean he scared the shit out of this guy. My favorite line has to be," Did he look like a bitch?" Pure genius. At the end Sam gets a bit biblical and...well, you gotta see for yourself.

SEACREST OUT.



~~~~SIDENOTE~~~~
Go visit James Harper at www.somewhatfunnythings.blogspot.com . If you don't then I will kill your house, burn down your family and send your pet to Ohio. You really don't want your pet in Ohio, trust me.

Was it really that serious?

It amazes me how some people can be when certain things occur. The above photo is from President Obama's trip to Asia. In the photo he is bowing while shaking hands with the Japanese emporer. As some if not most of you might know, bowing is a sign of respect in the Japanese culture and is something that is done when talking to your boss or when CEO's of different companies meet each other. Basically, it's a hightened form of "Pleased to meet you."

Why is it that the conservatives are getting thier underwear in a bunch over something as simple as this? Also, why is Fox putting so much emphasis on this? Hey guys, remember that recession that is happening? Why don't you go do something about that rather than spend time criticizing the President for showing his fellow man some respect? As can be seen, the Emporer is bowing back, but since he is a tad older he can't bend as far.
Did he disrespect America? I don't think so. But the media really can cover better things. Now excuse me while I go and take back my country from being invaded by Canada

Sunday makes me lazy

After a long night of pilaging villages in third world countries, I am still tired. So, today's post is going to be pretty simple. Another picture from Cyanide and Happiness.


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

I remember this story. Jesus gets out of the boat and using his diving powers, science would call this super bouyancy, he starts walking on water. But oh noes, there is a shark. Quick Peter, go save Jesus. It should be okay though, Jesus's dad is watching them. God knows that you have to punch a shark in the nose...and by punch a shark in the nose I mean he is going to hit it with lightning. God doesn't like when you mess with his kids.

Well, I am going to go have more sex. WAIT, EVEN BETTER...I am gonna go watch Harry Potter...EXPELLIARMUS

Death by Chlorine

If you guys remember one of my original posts, it was about how I was making some Sodium Hydroxide in chem class and so chlorine gas was accidently produced (I swear it was an accdent, I thought it would be cyanide gas). You really think I would learn my lesson.......I didn't.

Ok, so I was home one day and I was trying to make some sodium urate. So I got some concentrated uric acid and some bleach and decided to see what would happen. Mixing them in small quantities seems to give a fairly vigorous reaction without producing alot of chlorine. I was outside anyway so I thought it I would be okay. I decided to add a little bit more...and by a little bit more I mean alot a bit more. The rate at which chlorine exploded out of that cup was massive! I thought I was going to die. I wasn't even that close to it. Needless to say I didn't get my sodium urate. Also, there was a giant orange spot on our lawn for a few weeks.

Moral of the story : Never drink orange soda before a math class

TGI Friday....But Oh Noes, its the 13th

Well guys, its Friday again. You know what that means. It is once again time for the weekly blood sacrifices. I have been banned from the orphanages here though. The government is starting to catch on to me. Well, I guess my next stop is prison and this time, I won't be an inmate.

So this whole Friday the 13th things is fairly interesting. So to celebrate, I am going to talk about a few weird phobias I have heard of.

1. Fear of Pickles
I know there are alot of people out thier that don't like pickles, but I think they are delicious. They're crunchy, salty and make food taste alot better. This is just my opinion though. But there are people out there that have developed an irrational fear of them. I have no idea why people would be afraid of something that doesn't even move, but it happens. Maybe they really fear phallic objects? In any event, they should strive to conquer this fear or I am going to put them on Jupiter. Not Neptune though. Fuck Neptune.

2. Anatadiaphobia
Fear of ducks. Okay really now? Ducks aren't dangerous. Unless it's that Aflac duck. The US government didn't believe me when I told them he was a spy. I have two words for them - Soviet Union. I didn't act alone that day. I had help from an evil mastermind. He was also the one that brain washed my good friend James Harper into doint the KT extinction that destroyed the dinosaurs.

3. Fear of Gravity turning off.
It's been here ever since Isaac Newton invented it and so long as the world leaders keep doing what I say it'll stay here.

4. Phobophobia
I smell irony and redundancy and redundacy. This is a fear of developing a fear. There should be one thing you fear though - See that moon thing in the sky? It's getting closer.

Well, there you have it. A few wierd phobias that I have heard about. While there are many more I am currently unable to talk about them. I am actually busy trying to get out of Iran right now. Some guy just blew up the power station and my computer is about to die. No to mention all this bullets that keep hitting me. Well, I'm off to get several blood transfusions and undergo major surgery in a back alley.

100, 99, 98, 97........

Macs and PCs

Hey guys, now it's time for something we have seen on the airways for the past 148 death cycles. We have seen the Mac ads talking about how bad PC's are without talking much about themselves. We have also seen the PC adds where they send someone out to go get a computer they need and they end up buying a PC. In my opinion, if you need a new computer just steal one. That way if it goes bad it doesn't really matter, it was free.



So let's talk about a few topics that seem to always be an issue with Macs and PCs.

Viruses
Some Mac users seem to like to boast about how there are no viruses for Macs. There are however, a few viruses for the Macbook. The reason there are so much less that for Windows is because, well, more people use and own PC's. If the majority of people used Macs then there would be more viruses for those computers. Microsoft is doing there part trying to prevent such problems with thier malicious software removal tool and thier security updates. You know, shit like that. I personally think that Viruses are being made somewhere in the Democratic Republic of Congo, but Mac CEO's are assassinating the people creating Mac viruses effectively scaring more people from making them.



Upgrading
I recently updated from the horrible mistake that Microsoft called Windows Vista to the more sleek Windows 7. So far its been better than sex though I havent had sex in 11 months so I can't really remember what it was like, but I hear from my friends that it's still good. I don't know what it's like to upgrade a Mac, but Mac says its easy and I trust them....sort of. But there was a Mac add that said it was hard to upgrade from earlier versions of Windows to Windows 7. All I had to do was click one button, so I know that's bullshit.



Price
Ok, If I really like something I will spend the money on it. I am not a cheap ass. But, I have bought two laptops in my life (both PC's) and the total price for them adds up to about 700 bucks. The cheapest Macbook I have been able to find is 300 bucks more. If you are on a budget, look into a PC. If you are feeling a bit extravagant then go forth and buy a Mac. But be warned, the gods might be upset. Zeus and Hermes work for Bill Gates.

In summary, if you are just an average person or a regular school student, buy a fricken PC. If you are one of those fancy movie and music people that like to edit shit, buy a Mac.

~~~~~~~~
Ok, this is a serious side note...sort of. I encourage everyone to go visit my friend's blog at www.somewhatfunnythings.blogspot.com He does this comedy shit too. So go do something with your lives. Also, give him your money. He's kinda poor. But it's okay, he's sexy. Here's to you James Harper

Veteran's Day

Though I am not an American (yet) I feel as though it is my patriotic duty to take time out today and remember those brave men, women and martians that fought for our freedom and those that our still fighting so that we can sit in our homes all safe and warm, go to work, have fun with our friends, and watch porn.

Veteran's Day extends way beyond Americans. It's about the people that fought and fight for what is true, what is right and what is free. They are the men and women and etc you can thank. Even the people that may not have been on the front lines. The computer technitians, the doctors, they all play an important role.

So let's take time to remember the Veteran's of the world.

A little back story on Veteran's Day. On the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th months, a stop to hostilities was called on both the Allied Forces side and the German side. This effectively ended Dubya Dubya 1 (WW1).

More info can be found >>> http://buzz.yahoo.com/buzzlog/93165?fp=1

Now for a patriotic song.



~No copyright infringement intended. All works belong to thier respected creators. I think this song is public domain anyway.

Sunny Day

Well, it's been 40 years since that beloved kids show first premiered. Sesame Street, one of the great shows we grew up on. It taught us how to count, spell and make friends. With beloved characters; Big Bird, Burt, Ernie, Cookie Monster, Elmo, that green thing and the humans, including a black guy.

It seems like only yesterday that I was watching that giant yellow bird do random stuff, or ponder if Burt and Ernie were lovers, which I think they were/are. But I degress. In celebration of the momentous occasion, today has been declared Sesame Street Day. So go out there and enjoy.

Today's post has been brought to you by the letter 'X' and the number '43'

Something my brother drew for me

Hi Everybody

Yes, the beginning of another work week. Time to make some money to spend on movies, dinner and porn. There are so many movies out this month that I want to watch. I still haven't watch Saw6 yet which I heard was awesome. Then, the new Twilight movie is about to come out. My friends always make fun of me for liking Twilight, but I think its awesome. Then there is this movie called "Ninja Assassin" that's about to be released. I think that any movie about a person that goes around killing ninjas is a good movie.

Boy, those ninjas must suck. If they were truly good at their job then nobody would know that they exist. Not even themselves.

Ok, if you guys haven't seem XKCD today then here it is. I am about to move on to my next assassination target: Tony Blair. It's time he paid for being so British. I hate how he flaunts his englishness in my face. Ready or not Tony, here I come.

Day Off

No update today. Imstead, please enjoy the following picture


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net


Now where did I put those hammers..........

Ed, Edd and Eddy

Ok, so all day today Cartoon Network has been running an Ed, Edd and Eddy marathon in preparation for the movie that will premier tomorrow. This show had me thinking again about how adult the shows we as Generation Y grew up on.

1. Ed, Edd and Eddy
2. Rocko's Modern Life
3. Ren & Stimpy
4. Angry Beaver's (not as visible)
5. CatDog
6. Kablaam!
7. Aaah! real Monsters
8. Captain Planet

These shows are just riddled with implied sexual content, implied profanity scamming, theft, bribery and other adult situations. Its amazing that our mental health is still generally good. Though I think we are the most fucked up generation but in a good way. But now parents these days think Harry Potter is gonna doom thier kid's souls. Yeah right. Let them watch cartoons from the 90's it will be a good learning experience for them.

These shows are what we grew up on and they made us the fun generation we are today. With our higher than expected tolerance of things that are new and different, our constant internet-ing and that third thing we are always doing.

For those of you that are wondering how Captain Planet had adult situations, it basically wanted us to be hippies. Now there is nothing wrong with that but that Wheeler kid was violent. Gaia was kind of a whore and Kwame was a bit too stereotypical.

These shows were so golden. I wish they would come back for like 10 years again. Most of these new shows suck. I mean, what the hell is a Scary Godmother. They also messed up Casper like nobody's business.

Now, I am gonna go do other stuff. That Carmen Sandiego charcter has been unfindable for like 20 years now or something. Her son Waldo is a joke. Anyway, I have to go find Carmen after my triple bypass surgery.

SEACREST...OUT

Good Friday

So apparently, in all my being busy today, I missed alot of fun in my favorite chatroom. Oh well, all will be made right when the work week begins again on Monday.

Now let's see, what to talk about today? So I realised that the premise of the Hanna Montana movie was for her to choose between the left she always wanted and the life she never had. In my opinion, it doesn't count as living a double life when the public has been aware of both personalities since the beginning. Sorry Miley, you fail in this one.

Wanda Sykes--In my opnion, I funny black woman. If you guys haven't seen any of her work I suggest you go to youtube and look it up. Particularly "Racist Dolphin" and "Gay Marraige"

Demetri Martin---Funny white guy. His brand of stand up comedy never ceases to throw me into fits of laughter. Today at work I randomly remembered when he was talking about shopping for clothes.

-"If you need anything, I'm Jill"

"OMG, I never met a woman before with a conditional identity"

-"What if I don't need anything? Who are you?"

"If you don't need anything I'm Eugene"

This is a snipet from his "Jokes with guitar". I suggest you look this up on youtube also. Well, this post was just a bunch of suggestions. No much ranting today. I'm kind of tired. I was trying to assassinate Fidel Castro but apparently he was having lunch today with Barack Obama.

Do you know how hard it is to sneak into Cuba? I mean really. Then there was that whole leaving part. For some reason they don't like you to leave Cuba? Passports and shit are necessary. Then I ended up in Argentina and THAT ate up alot of my day. ProTip : Never go to Argentina after leaving Cuba. So anyway, after passing through Thailand I managed to make it home. Now I have to make up that extended lunch hour this weekend......Anywho, I am going to go take a nap. I gotta overthrow parliament tomorrow.

SEACREST OUT

OMG Thursday

Ah yes, Thursday. You know what that means. Now is the time that we prepare ourselves for the last day of the week. Which may or may not be followed by the weekend. If you use the Gregorian calander you have to wait an addition 865 days before the weekend is here.

I hope you guys have been enjoying this blog as much as I have been enjoying writing it. Its moments like this that keep my paranoia at bay. I think it's time for me to slip into a state of mind that would be the result of massive amounts of awesome.

I think its story time. Okay, so this one time in school, I had just come back from a few hours of a bit of drinking. I had had an exceptionally tough day and I think I deserved a night off. It was Friday after all. SO anyway, I walk into the living room of our apartment and realise that there were about 10 people sitting on the couches. This took me by surprise. I didn't expect so many people. Why can't you white kids go out on Fridays?

So anyway, these people are my friends so I decided to give into the alcohol and be as fun as I could be. Now, when I am sober I tend to be a bit hyperactive but its balanced out by other negative things that I won't get into unless I am paid a large amount of money or unless the President of Costa Rica is finally assassinated. One of the fun things that night was I thought I was Harry Potter. This went well for a while until I tried using the killing curse on random people.

After about 20 minutes of me talking about magic, politics and sex, my friends decided it was time for me to go to sleep. BUT I WAS HAVING SO MUCH FUN.

Anyway, I learned a few things that night:
1. Being drink is fun if you manage to keep control of most of your cognitive reasoning.

2. Expelliarmus doesn't work in real life

Welcome to the Tyra show

Ok, so yesterday I watched the Tyra Banks show for the first time. There were two episodes on. One where this pregnant lady had to get a job as a legal prostitute to help pay for the child she is about to have and the other one was about black market plastic surgery.

These are fairly serious topics, but Tyra manages to do something I thought was impossible: She made the shows all about herself.

I don't understand how she can sit there and berate her guest while constantly talking about her life. Guess what Tyra, ITS ABOUT YOUR GUESTS. What do you think this is, America's Next Top Model? NO. So please let you guests talk.

Also, despite the severity of some of the things the guests went through, Tyra still managed to tell jokes about her life. Listen Tyra, we all know you weren't always rich. But please shut the hell up and let this pregnant prostitue tell her side of the story.

In conclusion I thought the shows were great. I really did like the shows. Tyra was kinda awesome. Plus she's still a hot model. Tyra, keep up the good work. I hope you never cease to amaze me.

Now, A clip from ANTM



~No infringement intended all clips belong to thier original owners and creators~

Helping a friend

So she told me to come over because she was having some problems at her house. When I got to her house she was wearing some form of see-through silk robe. I didn't pay much attention because we are very good friends.

So anyway, I inspected her downstairs area where the problem was. I decided that in order to fix it I had to really stick my face in there. After a few minutes of this rigourous foreplay I decided that it was time to stick my pipe in there. But the hole was too small. So some lubricant and stuck two fingers in there to try to make it a bit more pliable. Another 5 minutes passed and I was ready. I stuck my pipe in there and went to work. This was the longest I ever had to do this, it took 40 minutes. Its a good thing that hole had alot of moisture in it so that my pipe could slide in really easy. After an hour at it, I was done. So tired from all that exertion.

Next time I go to redo one of her pipes I am going to call my actual plumber friend. He claims he can get a job done in 5 minutes. I however, like to take my time.

WebMD is funny

So, I'm at work today and I start to feel a little sickly. I have no idea whats wrong with me but I think it has something to do with the medicine I took yesterday. Then I woke up at like 5 this morning and the only thing I could do was watch porn cause nothing was on TV.

ANYWAY, I decided to use WebMD for the first time. I put in my symptoms; nausea, lack of appetite, headache, and it came up with some interesting diagnoses.

I could be bulimic or anorexic. These are unlikely because I had a giant meal yesterday and the day before and the day before. I have been binge eating for 3 days now.

It also said that I could be depressed. Well, I am on medicine for this so I guess this is likely. However, I haven't felt sad all day so I am striking this one.

Horrible brain tumor - No. Although my homeostasis was a bit wierded out this morning. Still I dont think this probable

Pregnant - WebMD didnt say this, my friends did. I don't think I am pregnant since, like most males, I lack the necessary equipment downstairs. Though my period is almost 2 decades late

It's amazing how three simple symptoms can be related to so many different things. I am just going to stick with my Vitamin C, drink a bit more tea, try to get something to eat and hope I am not coming down with the flu.

If I start coughing up pieces of lung or stomach then I will see a doctor. But it could psycological so I am going to pretend to see a doctor.

Oh well, next time you are sick, mess around with WebMD. The sprained ankle you got from playing soccer could very well be an early sign of diabetes

Set your clocks

So ends another glorious daylights savings time. Now Chronos, god of time can hibernate for six months while Zule walks free. Now is the time you we set our clocks back an hour. If you haven't done so yet then you were suppose to do it an hour ago.

Thank you Ben Franklin for coming up with the idea to set clock back an hour. It would be wierd if I woke up at 10am when I am at school in Michigan and the sun still isn't up yet.

Remember:

Set your clocks,
Eat your vegetables,
Scream at the sky

SEACREST OUT

Happy Halloween

Its that time of year again. Ghosts and Ghouls are out and about and that means only one thing: FREE CANDY.

I hope you guys are in your scariests costumes because some people really suck. Like this one guy that went as the invisible man. Everything went well until he told me to get his flashlight.....it wasn't his flashlight.

I know there are alot of parties happening but don't get too drunk guys. Stay safe while you're out there trick-or-treatining. Also remember to brush your teeth or no one will kiss you. And if no one kisses you, that makes you a loser. Then you're a loser on halloween. But I digress. Also, its the wiccan holiday of Samhain. So if you're a wiccan dont forget to thank your gods for the harvest. If you're a Christian, have fun with yelling at the wiccans for not believing in the same god. Whatever you do, HAVE FUN. Now, here's a Michael Jackson song

TGIF

Hey guys, How are things?

Its the end of another work week. You know what that means; two whole days of getting lucky...or video games. I really don't know yet. Also, Halloween tomorrow. I am thinking of either going as Miley Cyrus, a Republican, or Gigi: The world's scariest drag queen.

I thought I would share a video with you guys. It's a parody of one of my favorite MJ songs. Please enjoy :-)

Happy Thirsday

Well guys, today is thursday and you know what that means. It's porn night.

But in on seriousness, this post won't have much jokes in it.

I would like to talk to you guys about mental health. As a person that suffers from two fairly difficult mental issue, I must give the following advise.

1. Take a break - When you work for extended periods of time, your stress hormones build up. Take regular breaks to prevent this from happening.

2. Be well rested - When your body is well rested you are able to handle stress and anxiety better. Make sure you get 6 ~ 8 hours of sleep as much as possible. Naps are a plus too.

3. Eat well - When you are properly fed, you body works at its best. Make sure you drink plent of water too.

4. Talk to a friend - Its always better to get things out. It makes you feel like you're not alone and it prevents tension. Sometimes its just good to have someone listen.

5. Medical help - Don't be afraid to see a shrink. They know how to help you and they can provide extra resources for your benefit.

6. Take your medicine - Even missing a single dose can have devastating effects. Remember, there is a reason you are on the meds in the first place.

7. Exercise - Exercise reduces stress hormones and increases happiness hormones. Not to mention it can help you get that sexy six pack you always wanted

8. Say No - Some people like to help others too much. Just say no sometimes and you wont overload yourself

9. Enjoy life - Some people like to be serious all the time. Thats no good. Remember to have fun and play.

Remember guys, the people that is most important to you is you. Take care and good mental health.



I spelt thursday wrong.....Maybe I should have a drink

The Greatest Compound ever

So I decided that I am going to delete that last post and put this one up. This is about my favorite compound. Francium Flouride. The most ionic thing EVAR.

First, lets talk about Francium. It is the most electro-positive element we know. It has one valence electron that has to hold on for dear life. When Francium is placed into water or acid, it generates so much hydrogen and so much heat that it fricken explodes. I mean come on, how is that not cool. The bad news is there is only about 25grams of it in the earths crust at anyone time. Also, all isotopes are radioactive. I MUST PUT ON MY LEAD SUITS

Now Florine, my favorite halogen. Flourine loves electrons. Mix it with a metal and it will oxidize that sucker to its highest state. Its like asking Mike Tyson to punch Mother Teresa in the face. Bitch is going down.

Though I have never seen it, and it probably has never existed yet, I think that Francium Flouride is the greatest compond ever

Happy Tuesday Everyone

It's another glorious day. Some of us are at work trying to get that paper made and some of us are home trying to relax. I wonder if there is a way I can work from home so I never have to put on pants. Not like it matters, I'll still be late for work.

Ok, so I am going to start today off by talking about one of my favorite songs, "The Devil Went Down to Georgia"

First off, I really like this song.....but why did the devil go there? Is Georgia just full of heathens and sinners that are ripe for the picking? If I was the devil I would pick somewhere like New Brunswick or Ohio.

Second, who is this Johnny guy and why is he so good at the fiddle? That doesn't make any sense. Why was the king of demons beaten by some hick kid ? If you ask me, the devil should has picked an easier contest like cycling or archery....or causing the fall of mankind. You would think that the devil would have background information on people he was going after.

Thricly, if the devil was in such a bind for new souls then why didn't he just take the guys soul anyway? I mean really, it doesn't matter, you're the freaking devil. I guess this is why the Fairness in Hell Act of 2275 is all about. Oh Well.

In short, I really like this song and the devil is a moron

Now, here is a Futurama song

The End of Day One

And so my friends, we reach the end of day one. I hope that you have enjoyed my one story from the past and I pray to the great Spigalini that you continue to grace my blog with your presence.

Remember now, this is only the beginning. I promise that subsequent post will be hilarious....or sexy, I don't know which yet. There will be posts from various places on the internet and I will see you guys tomorrow.

As you leave, please enjoy the following image.

This one time in Chem class

Ok, this post is about a fun time I had in Chemistry class when I was a high school senior. Before I start I should mention that they way our school system works is you pick a set of classes in 10th grade and stick with them through the 12th grade, you know, in preparation for college.

So anyway, this one time when I was a senior, I was in my Chemistry class. The thing about this class was it was very easy and I was finished with the class by the end of 11th grade. So there I was, a senior sitting in class, and I had nothing to do. So I decided that I would have some fun with electrolysis. I wanted to make me some Sodium Hydroxide and I knew that if I had some concentrated Sodium Chloride, it would only be a matter of fining a power source to complete my circuit. I also thought it would be a good idea if I could capture the Chlorine gas that would eventually be produced.

As class was going on I decided it was time to start my experiment. Everything was going fine until after about 10 minutes, the Chlorine gas that was being produced started to come out faster than my ventilation system would allow (and by ventilation system I mean I opened the windows). When this happened, there was a lovely yellow-green haze coming from my experiment. I had to stop my fun and quickly turn on all the remaining fans. This happened at the chorus of a few of my classmates and the teacher coughing from the chlorine gas that now diffused through the room. This is what happend when you have a very crappy ventilation system and fail to seal all the connections properly.

I learned a good lesson that day: Never try to make Sodium Hydroxide with 12 other people in the room and without proper ventilation. It wasn't safe, but it sure was fun

A New Day

Following in the footsteps of a good friend, I decided to join the blogosphere (or whatever the hell they call it these days). I am going to attempt to entertain you guys with magic and my overactive imagination....and some science.

I don't know how I am going to do this, but I hope to get in some good stuff before my ADHD kicks in and I never update this website again. I will be using material from different places on the interwebs as well as my own folk-style rantings about life.....and science.

So sit back, relax and enjoy as I take you on an exciting journey through my head. Not to mention a dose of science now and then (I am such a nerd).

INTERNET, Here I come.