Sunday thing

I believe this is what is gonna happen every Sunday. Can I have a prize for being so lazy?

Watch out for that tree.

So as you would have heard, Tiger Woods was in a car accident and was las tlisted as in serious condition at the hospital. There are, however, somethings that I do not understand. How is it that he was driving fast enough, coming out of his drive-way, hit a fire hydrant and still be going fast enough to het a tree? The wierd thing is, they say he wasn't drunk or on drugs.

Atleast if he was drunk or something then I would undstand it, but how did Tiger fail SOOO MUCH. Oh another thing. The airbags didn't deploy. You see, Tiger drives an 09 cadillac(well, not anymore) so I know the airbags work. Why didn't they go off? What is this magic number?

This whole event reminds me of this picture.


Leave it to Tiger to have a fail so awesome it's almost a win. Well Tiger I guess the only driving you should be doing is on a golf course . :-)

These are the jokes people

Ok, I am going to attempt some comedy today. This post will entail my experiences for the day.

~OPEN THE DOOR~
So, my job decided to make it such that you have to swipe your ID card to get into and out of the building. This makes sence but there were however, a few peoblems. First, only one person knows how to work the system. I did not get a card. This person was on vacation all week. For the first 4 days this week I didnt have a problem, I just went in with other people. Today however, I had drank a large quantity of water and needed to pee, badly. (Hope those cleaners use the good mop today)

~Horrible drivers~
So this one guy decided that he was going to use his company vehicle to drive recklessly down the highway. I will see to it that this man is fired...out of a cannon....into the sun.(No seriously, I am going to get his ass fired)


~They make what for where?~
Ok, so our company has been using these deoderizes and it got me thinking about what all they make deoderizers for. Apparently, you can buy special sprays for vaginas. In my opinion, if vaginas were suppose to smell like oranges then they would be grown in Florida and shipped to hospitals. Also, why would a woman want her private areas smelling like wildflowers in a meadow?




~These are the jokes people!

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving Day. Unlike America, this is not a holiday in my country, therefore I am at work. stupid government. Anyway, I hope everyone has a fun Thanksgiving. So many turkeys have been slaughtered for this occasion. But unlike you heartless morons, I had lobster for lunch today with cheesecake for dessert. :-)

Speaking of saving turkeys, the Obama kids decided that they don't want to kill the turkey that was going to be on thier plate. So, President Obama pardoned the turkey......This put the turkey with others such as president Nixon who was also pardoned for whatever the hell he did. The thing is, there are starving children all over the world that would eat that turkey, but they felt sorry. BOO-fricken-HOO. Those girls need to grow some balls. JK, oh well, I hope they enjoy thier dinner today. YOUR DOING GOOD MISTER PRESIDENT...I think.

Well, I hope everyone enjoys the rest of thier Thanksgiving and are able to wake up from thier Tryptophan/Serotonin induced coma for work tomorrow. PEACE OUT ERRY'BODY

SkiFree

(sorry the picture is soo squished. Google hates me. Oh well, I own 98% of thier stock)

Today's XKCD reminded me of a game I use to play alot when I was still using Windows 95. SkiFree was one of those games that ate up alot of time simply because you sit there pressing one button in a game where the background was on an infinite loop. So really it was something to do when you are done watching porn or being productive....or some sick combination of the two.

The only bad thing about this game is that there is this annoying snowman piece of crap. That eats you when you are winning. The moster looks a bit like this.


WHOOPS, That was for my political hero's post...hehehe. No, Hillary Clinton is awesome and I am sure she is doing a wonderful job as Secretary of State. (Woman...Secretary? sexism in the white house I see)

This is the monster


He likes eating people..and not in a good way. All in all, this was a good game and I think I am going to spend the next 38 days playing it. Though I will be taking regular porn breaks.... BYE GUYS

Ninjas

Sorry These last few posts have been late guys. You see, at work I have been doing 7~8 non-stop hours of outside stuff. Not to mention my usual black guys stuff and my daily attempts at world domination. Speaking of which, the nation of Ukraine is now Canada. Old Canada will no longer exist as a country. (WIN)

So about those ninjas. Like the homosexual community, ninjas keep the population in check. Thier natural prey consist of noobs, tools, important diplomats and phytoplankton.

Ninjas are normally found in the shadows, thier natural habitat, waiting for thier next kill. They are amoung the most patient predators known to man. However, global warming has pushed them out of thier natural habitat.



This picture shows a domesticated family of ninjas. Ninjas aren't normally in this type of environment but climate changes is pushing them into new areas.

NOT A NINJA



Though we never see them, ninjas play an important role in our societies and have given us many benefits. The invented the shuriken, poison and Hilary Clinton, the single greatest weapon ever.

Now to wrap this up, a archived news cast about ninjas

Ninja Parade Slips Through Town Unnoticed Once Again

Blast From the Past One

ITS POWER RANGERS TIME. Anyone from my generation would know that this was one of the greatest shows of our time. Now that we are not stupid, snot-nosed kids, we know it sucks. But let's reminicse on the good times we have.



This is such an awesome theme song. Just listening to it brings back memories. NOSTALGA BITCHES

So, episodes basically went like this:

1. Holy shit guys, we're in school
2. -Zordon calls-
3. I gots me a test Zordon, make it quick

~they go and get briefed~

4. OMFG WE CAN WIN

~meets villian and gets thier asses kicked~

5. OMFG ZORDON WE NEED HELP

~Calls giant, fucking robots from the sky~

6. YEAH LOOK AT MY SWEET NEW RIDE

~win/episode is over~

Such a good show right?

I like the power rangers because it gave me the illusion that minorities could be important. (THE BLACK RANGER WAS ACTUALLY BLACK). There was even an asian chick in there. That gave me hope for when I started hanging out with white kids. Red Ranger = greatest ranger ever. He's doing gay porn now ~claps hands~.

Lets not forget the villians


(Chocolate RAIIIIIIIIIIN)

I love Rita,,,,,she needs a perm though

And this guy (I still believe they used the same code as with Master Computer)


CPU BITCHES

Oh Power Rangers. I love the original show. But all this lightspeed rescue shit is ridiculous. Anyway, like it or hate it, Power Rangers are awesome

So Lazy

Well you wierdos, I realised that I am far to lazy to write an actual post today. Instead, please enjoy the following image

Lazy Saturday

Hey guys, welcome to another lazy Saturday. Though the day is almost over. Someone didn't wake me up earlier. They now live 3 miles underwater. The bad thing about weekends is I don't have any new material to bring to you guys. That will change in a few weeks though.

Alright, so apparently Nickelodeon has a new show called FanBoy and Chum Chum. Can someone say copyright infringement? I watched about 3 different episodes today and my favorite one based on StarWars. Thier janitor's name was Poopatine. He's married to some robot named Martha and has an affinity for kiddy porn. Another episode I saw had a Dr. Count Dracula. Apparently he majored in 'Accounting' (yeah, didn't see that shit coming) and is a real vampire. Though the show is kind of stupid I am gonna continue to watch it and you guys should to.

Like I said earlier this post is kinda boring. You see, unlike the millions of people out thier, my weekends are boring. I mean, I can only have so much sex in a day. Maybe I can get President Obama to help me with this blog. God knows he isn't doing anything else important. President of America, BIG WHOOP. Speaking of which, those idiot senators are talking about health care again. You Americans are paying for thier overtime so hahahahahaha. I was smart. I don't pay taxes.

Well, I am going back to sleep. I still have to get through the rest of that porn later. A more interesting post will come tomorrow. SO GET OFF MY BACK.

SEACREST OUT

Ahhhhhh, Friday

Well guys it's Friday and the weekend is finally here. I think I will finally take a break from my Communist agenda and promote some comedy today.

First ~> New Moon

The second movie in the Twilight series is out today and I gotta watch it. The thing is, I don't know if I want to watch it now or watch it with friends when I go back to America. If worse come to worst I will bootleg it. Fuck you international copyright laws. For those of you that like Twilight go out and watch this movie now. For those of you that don't like Twilight, go die. My friend James Harper over at Somewhat Funny Things has more info on this.

Number B ~> My Life is Average

Today while at work one of my co-workers came in singing "Age of Aquarious" I immediately jumped in and started singing to chorus much to the amusement of my other co-workers. I then proceeded to submit the story to MLIA. I work with the greatest people ever. MLIA


Roman Numeral 7 ~> So I was walking though this primary school (elementary school to you Americans who think you are so fucking great) and I realised that kids are mean. The hit each other, insult their teachers and use up massive amounts of oxygen that I need for my Crystal Meth lab. Good news though, that school is now located in Pakistan

9th ~> I am declaring tomorrow "International Wake up Day" Show your support by being concious tommorrow...or you will be eliminated.


MadScientist ....OUT

Real Life Events

I realise that I have met numerous interesting people in my life. The majority of which I have met within the past 2 or so years I have been attending college. The following is a story from someone I met this past summer.

I was also told that my friend James Harper knows of these events

> I guess I'll start with a tale of the biggest dumbass I know.
>
>
> Once upon a time there was a man, we'll call him... Skylar. Skylar was the fucking koolest kat you'll ever meet, but he had very unfortunate luck.
>
> One time while driving home from a movie in mid December, Skylar thought it would be a great Idea to try and pass the dumbasses going 2 miles an hour in front of him, making it very difficult for him to get to his destination. As he pulled around the dodge in his '96 Mercedes (no joke), he hit a patch of what we can only assume was ice. as this happened he was thrown from the road like hotwheels car on a track that hasn't been finished. Propelling him almost 200 yards into the shallow end of a pond on the side of the road. Regaining consciousness almost a full 10 minutes later, he realized, oh shit, I'm in a body of water in the middle of FUCKING DECEMBER! thinking quickly he reached for his cell phone to call his folks, a reasonable thought. But oh wait, His parent's were out of town for their anniversary, and who was in charge of him and his 2 siblings while they were away.. that's right, his Grandmother. The Conversation went something like this.
>
> "Hello?"
>
> "Yeah, Hi grandma, I may have driven into a pond..."
>
> "Oh for fuck's sake I'll be right there."
>
> In this time a kindly Bounty Hunter with a truck the size of my house (i couldn't make this up) was nice enough to help Skylar out of his somewhat wet and frostbitten predicament, for the reasonable fee of 150 dollars. Even after all this his car was still in perfect working condition, minus the front bumper, both side view mirrors, and his front driver window (all of which I assume are still at the bottom of said pond). So like any normal human being, he decided to drive it home.
>
> Oh did I forget to mention he was on his first date with a girl from his high school, yeah, not the best date in recorded history, I'm sure. And where did this charming woman live you might ask. Fucking Novi. So, not only did Skylar have to drive his ass home, but later his grandmother had to drive his date home with him, as she was practically paralyzed with fear. What a joyous hour or so ride that must have been.
>
> The only words of condolence he would receive was when he called his father to explain what had happened. Who would say to him.
>
> "Well that's why they are called accidents."
>
> The story you have just read isn't based on real events, they ARE real events.

Reese's: The Greatest Thing EVAR

So today I found myself seriously craving some Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. You see, after two days of fighting those fucking Canadians, I needed some of these things. So anyway, I was on my way to my regular shaman (I have to go to him because he makes them with pure virgin blood) and the sucker tells me he is out of peanut butter. I was PISSED.

After a through raping by me,I left the deep jungles of Borneo and I decided that I had to buy them from WalMart. I fucking hate WalMart. Four and a half years ago while I was coming back from an assassination job, I had learnt that Seth McFarland and the Pope had contracted the owners of WalMart to kill my family. This didn't really upset me because my family is murdered every week (Thank God for cloning). What really upset me was that they broke my favorite vase. No one breaks my favorite vase.

This was the straw that broke the camals back. After a series of missions that are far too elaborate to explain, I got a bit of revenge. Seth McFarland got away from me through a technicality (fucking kindergarners). The Pope however was not so lucky. When they elected the new Pope I immediately told him who was boss. This is why Popes are no longer allowed in the states of Vermont, Maine Florida, Michigan or anywhere in souther Japan. I keep my secret supplies in these places.

(back to current day)
So I walked into WalMart and found my candy. The reason I don't like eating WalMarts brand is because they don't perform the dark rituals long enough. But, I got my candy, killed some Canadians and I am currently plotting my attack on New Zealand. I fucking hate kiwis.

Tuesday? Really? Again?

Well you people, its Tuesday again. If you're anything like my doctor, you might bitch at me today. I have no idea why she does that, but it always happens around the same time every month. What happens in women's bodies that make them so emo? I will never understand it.

Ok, so today while I was getting ready for work, I decided to go do some black guy stuff on the internet and I found a hilarious video from the popular movie "Pulp Fiction". This is the scene when Samuel Jackson gets pissed for no reason at all.

I think this is my favorite movie scene of all time...well, except for that one porno scene. Backdoor Ladies Vol. 136 is probably the greatest movie ever, but I digress.

Sam Jackson is possible the blackest person ever (Wesley Snipes, Mr. T and Madonna come close) and it's awesome. So anyway, in this scene Sam is interviewing so random guy and he decided to be a bit egotistical, and by egotistical I mean he scared the shit out of this guy. My favorite line has to be," Did he look like a bitch?" Pure genius. At the end Sam gets a bit biblical and...well, you gotta see for yourself.

SEACREST OUT.



~~~~SIDENOTE~~~~
Go visit James Harper at www.somewhatfunnythings.blogspot.com . If you don't then I will kill your house, burn down your family and send your pet to Ohio. You really don't want your pet in Ohio, trust me.

Was it really that serious?

It amazes me how some people can be when certain things occur. The above photo is from President Obama's trip to Asia. In the photo he is bowing while shaking hands with the Japanese emporer. As some if not most of you might know, bowing is a sign of respect in the Japanese culture and is something that is done when talking to your boss or when CEO's of different companies meet each other. Basically, it's a hightened form of "Pleased to meet you."

Why is it that the conservatives are getting thier underwear in a bunch over something as simple as this? Also, why is Fox putting so much emphasis on this? Hey guys, remember that recession that is happening? Why don't you go do something about that rather than spend time criticizing the President for showing his fellow man some respect? As can be seen, the Emporer is bowing back, but since he is a tad older he can't bend as far.
Did he disrespect America? I don't think so. But the media really can cover better things. Now excuse me while I go and take back my country from being invaded by Canada

Sunday makes me lazy

After a long night of pilaging villages in third world countries, I am still tired. So, today's post is going to be pretty simple. Another picture from Cyanide and Happiness.


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

I remember this story. Jesus gets out of the boat and using his diving powers, science would call this super bouyancy, he starts walking on water. But oh noes, there is a shark. Quick Peter, go save Jesus. It should be okay though, Jesus's dad is watching them. God knows that you have to punch a shark in the nose...and by punch a shark in the nose I mean he is going to hit it with lightning. God doesn't like when you mess with his kids.

Well, I am going to go have more sex. WAIT, EVEN BETTER...I am gonna go watch Harry Potter...EXPELLIARMUS

Death by Chlorine

If you guys remember one of my original posts, it was about how I was making some Sodium Hydroxide in chem class and so chlorine gas was accidently produced (I swear it was an accdent, I thought it would be cyanide gas). You really think I would learn my lesson.......I didn't.

Ok, so I was home one day and I was trying to make some sodium urate. So I got some concentrated uric acid and some bleach and decided to see what would happen. Mixing them in small quantities seems to give a fairly vigorous reaction without producing alot of chlorine. I was outside anyway so I thought it I would be okay. I decided to add a little bit more...and by a little bit more I mean alot a bit more. The rate at which chlorine exploded out of that cup was massive! I thought I was going to die. I wasn't even that close to it. Needless to say I didn't get my sodium urate. Also, there was a giant orange spot on our lawn for a few weeks.

Moral of the story : Never drink orange soda before a math class

TGI Friday....But Oh Noes, its the 13th

Well guys, its Friday again. You know what that means. It is once again time for the weekly blood sacrifices. I have been banned from the orphanages here though. The government is starting to catch on to me. Well, I guess my next stop is prison and this time, I won't be an inmate.

So this whole Friday the 13th things is fairly interesting. So to celebrate, I am going to talk about a few weird phobias I have heard of.

1. Fear of Pickles
I know there are alot of people out thier that don't like pickles, but I think they are delicious. They're crunchy, salty and make food taste alot better. This is just my opinion though. But there are people out there that have developed an irrational fear of them. I have no idea why people would be afraid of something that doesn't even move, but it happens. Maybe they really fear phallic objects? In any event, they should strive to conquer this fear or I am going to put them on Jupiter. Not Neptune though. Fuck Neptune.

2. Anatadiaphobia
Fear of ducks. Okay really now? Ducks aren't dangerous. Unless it's that Aflac duck. The US government didn't believe me when I told them he was a spy. I have two words for them - Soviet Union. I didn't act alone that day. I had help from an evil mastermind. He was also the one that brain washed my good friend James Harper into doint the KT extinction that destroyed the dinosaurs.

3. Fear of Gravity turning off.
It's been here ever since Isaac Newton invented it and so long as the world leaders keep doing what I say it'll stay here.

4. Phobophobia
I smell irony and redundancy and redundacy. This is a fear of developing a fear. There should be one thing you fear though - See that moon thing in the sky? It's getting closer.

Well, there you have it. A few wierd phobias that I have heard about. While there are many more I am currently unable to talk about them. I am actually busy trying to get out of Iran right now. Some guy just blew up the power station and my computer is about to die. No to mention all this bullets that keep hitting me. Well, I'm off to get several blood transfusions and undergo major surgery in a back alley.

100, 99, 98, 97........

Macs and PCs

Hey guys, now it's time for something we have seen on the airways for the past 148 death cycles. We have seen the Mac ads talking about how bad PC's are without talking much about themselves. We have also seen the PC adds where they send someone out to go get a computer they need and they end up buying a PC. In my opinion, if you need a new computer just steal one. That way if it goes bad it doesn't really matter, it was free.



So let's talk about a few topics that seem to always be an issue with Macs and PCs.

Viruses
Some Mac users seem to like to boast about how there are no viruses for Macs. There are however, a few viruses for the Macbook. The reason there are so much less that for Windows is because, well, more people use and own PC's. If the majority of people used Macs then there would be more viruses for those computers. Microsoft is doing there part trying to prevent such problems with thier malicious software removal tool and thier security updates. You know, shit like that. I personally think that Viruses are being made somewhere in the Democratic Republic of Congo, but Mac CEO's are assassinating the people creating Mac viruses effectively scaring more people from making them.



Upgrading
I recently updated from the horrible mistake that Microsoft called Windows Vista to the more sleek Windows 7. So far its been better than sex though I havent had sex in 11 months so I can't really remember what it was like, but I hear from my friends that it's still good. I don't know what it's like to upgrade a Mac, but Mac says its easy and I trust them....sort of. But there was a Mac add that said it was hard to upgrade from earlier versions of Windows to Windows 7. All I had to do was click one button, so I know that's bullshit.



Price
Ok, If I really like something I will spend the money on it. I am not a cheap ass. But, I have bought two laptops in my life (both PC's) and the total price for them adds up to about 700 bucks. The cheapest Macbook I have been able to find is 300 bucks more. If you are on a budget, look into a PC. If you are feeling a bit extravagant then go forth and buy a Mac. But be warned, the gods might be upset. Zeus and Hermes work for Bill Gates.

In summary, if you are just an average person or a regular school student, buy a fricken PC. If you are one of those fancy movie and music people that like to edit shit, buy a Mac.

~~~~~~~~
Ok, this is a serious side note...sort of. I encourage everyone to go visit my friend's blog at www.somewhatfunnythings.blogspot.com He does this comedy shit too. So go do something with your lives. Also, give him your money. He's kinda poor. But it's okay, he's sexy. Here's to you James Harper

Veteran's Day

Though I am not an American (yet) I feel as though it is my patriotic duty to take time out today and remember those brave men, women and martians that fought for our freedom and those that our still fighting so that we can sit in our homes all safe and warm, go to work, have fun with our friends, and watch porn.

Veteran's Day extends way beyond Americans. It's about the people that fought and fight for what is true, what is right and what is free. They are the men and women and etc you can thank. Even the people that may not have been on the front lines. The computer technitians, the doctors, they all play an important role.

So let's take time to remember the Veteran's of the world.

A little back story on Veteran's Day. On the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th months, a stop to hostilities was called on both the Allied Forces side and the German side. This effectively ended Dubya Dubya 1 (WW1).

More info can be found >>> http://buzz.yahoo.com/buzzlog/93165?fp=1

Now for a patriotic song.



~No copyright infringement intended. All works belong to thier respected creators. I think this song is public domain anyway.

Sunny Day

Well, it's been 40 years since that beloved kids show first premiered. Sesame Street, one of the great shows we grew up on. It taught us how to count, spell and make friends. With beloved characters; Big Bird, Burt, Ernie, Cookie Monster, Elmo, that green thing and the humans, including a black guy.

It seems like only yesterday that I was watching that giant yellow bird do random stuff, or ponder if Burt and Ernie were lovers, which I think they were/are. But I degress. In celebration of the momentous occasion, today has been declared Sesame Street Day. So go out there and enjoy.

Today's post has been brought to you by the letter 'X' and the number '43'

Something my brother drew for me

Hi Everybody

Yes, the beginning of another work week. Time to make some money to spend on movies, dinner and porn. There are so many movies out this month that I want to watch. I still haven't watch Saw6 yet which I heard was awesome. Then, the new Twilight movie is about to come out. My friends always make fun of me for liking Twilight, but I think its awesome. Then there is this movie called "Ninja Assassin" that's about to be released. I think that any movie about a person that goes around killing ninjas is a good movie.

Boy, those ninjas must suck. If they were truly good at their job then nobody would know that they exist. Not even themselves.

Ok, if you guys haven't seem XKCD today then here it is. I am about to move on to my next assassination target: Tony Blair. It's time he paid for being so British. I hate how he flaunts his englishness in my face. Ready or not Tony, here I come.

Day Off

No update today. Imstead, please enjoy the following picture


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net


Now where did I put those hammers..........

Ed, Edd and Eddy

Ok, so all day today Cartoon Network has been running an Ed, Edd and Eddy marathon in preparation for the movie that will premier tomorrow. This show had me thinking again about how adult the shows we as Generation Y grew up on.

1. Ed, Edd and Eddy
2. Rocko's Modern Life
3. Ren & Stimpy
4. Angry Beaver's (not as visible)
5. CatDog
6. Kablaam!
7. Aaah! real Monsters
8. Captain Planet

These shows are just riddled with implied sexual content, implied profanity scamming, theft, bribery and other adult situations. Its amazing that our mental health is still generally good. Though I think we are the most fucked up generation but in a good way. But now parents these days think Harry Potter is gonna doom thier kid's souls. Yeah right. Let them watch cartoons from the 90's it will be a good learning experience for them.

These shows are what we grew up on and they made us the fun generation we are today. With our higher than expected tolerance of things that are new and different, our constant internet-ing and that third thing we are always doing.

For those of you that are wondering how Captain Planet had adult situations, it basically wanted us to be hippies. Now there is nothing wrong with that but that Wheeler kid was violent. Gaia was kind of a whore and Kwame was a bit too stereotypical.

These shows were so golden. I wish they would come back for like 10 years again. Most of these new shows suck. I mean, what the hell is a Scary Godmother. They also messed up Casper like nobody's business.

Now, I am gonna go do other stuff. That Carmen Sandiego charcter has been unfindable for like 20 years now or something. Her son Waldo is a joke. Anyway, I have to go find Carmen after my triple bypass surgery.

SEACREST...OUT

Good Friday

So apparently, in all my being busy today, I missed alot of fun in my favorite chatroom. Oh well, all will be made right when the work week begins again on Monday.

Now let's see, what to talk about today? So I realised that the premise of the Hanna Montana movie was for her to choose between the left she always wanted and the life she never had. In my opinion, it doesn't count as living a double life when the public has been aware of both personalities since the beginning. Sorry Miley, you fail in this one.

Wanda Sykes--In my opnion, I funny black woman. If you guys haven't seen any of her work I suggest you go to youtube and look it up. Particularly "Racist Dolphin" and "Gay Marraige"

Demetri Martin---Funny white guy. His brand of stand up comedy never ceases to throw me into fits of laughter. Today at work I randomly remembered when he was talking about shopping for clothes.

-"If you need anything, I'm Jill"

"OMG, I never met a woman before with a conditional identity"

-"What if I don't need anything? Who are you?"

"If you don't need anything I'm Eugene"

This is a snipet from his "Jokes with guitar". I suggest you look this up on youtube also. Well, this post was just a bunch of suggestions. No much ranting today. I'm kind of tired. I was trying to assassinate Fidel Castro but apparently he was having lunch today with Barack Obama.

Do you know how hard it is to sneak into Cuba? I mean really. Then there was that whole leaving part. For some reason they don't like you to leave Cuba? Passports and shit are necessary. Then I ended up in Argentina and THAT ate up alot of my day. ProTip : Never go to Argentina after leaving Cuba. So anyway, after passing through Thailand I managed to make it home. Now I have to make up that extended lunch hour this weekend......Anywho, I am going to go take a nap. I gotta overthrow parliament tomorrow.

SEACREST OUT

OMG Thursday

Ah yes, Thursday. You know what that means. Now is the time that we prepare ourselves for the last day of the week. Which may or may not be followed by the weekend. If you use the Gregorian calander you have to wait an addition 865 days before the weekend is here.

I hope you guys have been enjoying this blog as much as I have been enjoying writing it. Its moments like this that keep my paranoia at bay. I think it's time for me to slip into a state of mind that would be the result of massive amounts of awesome.

I think its story time. Okay, so this one time in school, I had just come back from a few hours of a bit of drinking. I had had an exceptionally tough day and I think I deserved a night off. It was Friday after all. SO anyway, I walk into the living room of our apartment and realise that there were about 10 people sitting on the couches. This took me by surprise. I didn't expect so many people. Why can't you white kids go out on Fridays?

So anyway, these people are my friends so I decided to give into the alcohol and be as fun as I could be. Now, when I am sober I tend to be a bit hyperactive but its balanced out by other negative things that I won't get into unless I am paid a large amount of money or unless the President of Costa Rica is finally assassinated. One of the fun things that night was I thought I was Harry Potter. This went well for a while until I tried using the killing curse on random people.

After about 20 minutes of me talking about magic, politics and sex, my friends decided it was time for me to go to sleep. BUT I WAS HAVING SO MUCH FUN.

Anyway, I learned a few things that night:
1. Being drink is fun if you manage to keep control of most of your cognitive reasoning.

2. Expelliarmus doesn't work in real life

Welcome to the Tyra show

Ok, so yesterday I watched the Tyra Banks show for the first time. There were two episodes on. One where this pregnant lady had to get a job as a legal prostitute to help pay for the child she is about to have and the other one was about black market plastic surgery.

These are fairly serious topics, but Tyra manages to do something I thought was impossible: She made the shows all about herself.

I don't understand how she can sit there and berate her guest while constantly talking about her life. Guess what Tyra, ITS ABOUT YOUR GUESTS. What do you think this is, America's Next Top Model? NO. So please let you guests talk.

Also, despite the severity of some of the things the guests went through, Tyra still managed to tell jokes about her life. Listen Tyra, we all know you weren't always rich. But please shut the hell up and let this pregnant prostitue tell her side of the story.

In conclusion I thought the shows were great. I really did like the shows. Tyra was kinda awesome. Plus she's still a hot model. Tyra, keep up the good work. I hope you never cease to amaze me.

Now, A clip from ANTM



~No infringement intended all clips belong to thier original owners and creators~

Helping a friend

So she told me to come over because she was having some problems at her house. When I got to her house she was wearing some form of see-through silk robe. I didn't pay much attention because we are very good friends.

So anyway, I inspected her downstairs area where the problem was. I decided that in order to fix it I had to really stick my face in there. After a few minutes of this rigourous foreplay I decided that it was time to stick my pipe in there. But the hole was too small. So some lubricant and stuck two fingers in there to try to make it a bit more pliable. Another 5 minutes passed and I was ready. I stuck my pipe in there and went to work. This was the longest I ever had to do this, it took 40 minutes. Its a good thing that hole had alot of moisture in it so that my pipe could slide in really easy. After an hour at it, I was done. So tired from all that exertion.

Next time I go to redo one of her pipes I am going to call my actual plumber friend. He claims he can get a job done in 5 minutes. I however, like to take my time.

WebMD is funny

So, I'm at work today and I start to feel a little sickly. I have no idea whats wrong with me but I think it has something to do with the medicine I took yesterday. Then I woke up at like 5 this morning and the only thing I could do was watch porn cause nothing was on TV.

ANYWAY, I decided to use WebMD for the first time. I put in my symptoms; nausea, lack of appetite, headache, and it came up with some interesting diagnoses.

I could be bulimic or anorexic. These are unlikely because I had a giant meal yesterday and the day before and the day before. I have been binge eating for 3 days now.

It also said that I could be depressed. Well, I am on medicine for this so I guess this is likely. However, I haven't felt sad all day so I am striking this one.

Horrible brain tumor - No. Although my homeostasis was a bit wierded out this morning. Still I dont think this probable

Pregnant - WebMD didnt say this, my friends did. I don't think I am pregnant since, like most males, I lack the necessary equipment downstairs. Though my period is almost 2 decades late

It's amazing how three simple symptoms can be related to so many different things. I am just going to stick with my Vitamin C, drink a bit more tea, try to get something to eat and hope I am not coming down with the flu.

If I start coughing up pieces of lung or stomach then I will see a doctor. But it could psycological so I am going to pretend to see a doctor.

Oh well, next time you are sick, mess around with WebMD. The sprained ankle you got from playing soccer could very well be an early sign of diabetes

Set your clocks

So ends another glorious daylights savings time. Now Chronos, god of time can hibernate for six months while Zule walks free. Now is the time you we set our clocks back an hour. If you haven't done so yet then you were suppose to do it an hour ago.

Thank you Ben Franklin for coming up with the idea to set clock back an hour. It would be wierd if I woke up at 10am when I am at school in Michigan and the sun still isn't up yet.

Remember:

Set your clocks,
Eat your vegetables,
Scream at the sky

SEACREST OUT