Sunday thing

I believe this is what is gonna happen every Sunday. Can I have a prize for being so lazy?

Watch out for that tree.

So as you would have heard, Tiger Woods was in a car accident and was las tlisted as in serious condition at the hospital. There are, however, somethings that I do not understand. How is it that he was driving fast enough, coming out of his drive-way, hit a fire hydrant and still be going fast enough to het a tree? The wierd thing is, they say he wasn't drunk or on drugs.

Atleast if he was drunk or something then I would undstand it, but how did Tiger fail SOOO MUCH. Oh another thing. The airbags didn't deploy. You see, Tiger drives an 09 cadillac(well, not anymore) so I know the airbags work. Why didn't they go off? What is this magic number?

This whole event reminds me of this picture.


Leave it to Tiger to have a fail so awesome it's almost a win. Well Tiger I guess the only driving you should be doing is on a golf course . :-)

These are the jokes people

Ok, I am going to attempt some comedy today. This post will entail my experiences for the day.

~OPEN THE DOOR~
So, my job decided to make it such that you have to swipe your ID card to get into and out of the building. This makes sence but there were however, a few peoblems. First, only one person knows how to work the system. I did not get a card. This person was on vacation all week. For the first 4 days this week I didnt have a problem, I just went in with other people. Today however, I had drank a large quantity of water and needed to pee, badly. (Hope those cleaners use the good mop today)

~Horrible drivers~
So this one guy decided that he was going to use his company vehicle to drive recklessly down the highway. I will see to it that this man is fired...out of a cannon....into the sun.(No seriously, I am going to get his ass fired)


~They make what for where?~
Ok, so our company has been using these deoderizes and it got me thinking about what all they make deoderizers for. Apparently, you can buy special sprays for vaginas. In my opinion, if vaginas were suppose to smell like oranges then they would be grown in Florida and shipped to hospitals. Also, why would a woman want her private areas smelling like wildflowers in a meadow?




~These are the jokes people!

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving Day. Unlike America, this is not a holiday in my country, therefore I am at work. stupid government. Anyway, I hope everyone has a fun Thanksgiving. So many turkeys have been slaughtered for this occasion. But unlike you heartless morons, I had lobster for lunch today with cheesecake for dessert. :-)

Speaking of saving turkeys, the Obama kids decided that they don't want to kill the turkey that was going to be on thier plate. So, President Obama pardoned the turkey......This put the turkey with others such as president Nixon who was also pardoned for whatever the hell he did. The thing is, there are starving children all over the world that would eat that turkey, but they felt sorry. BOO-fricken-HOO. Those girls need to grow some balls. JK, oh well, I hope they enjoy thier dinner today. YOUR DOING GOOD MISTER PRESIDENT...I think.

Well, I hope everyone enjoys the rest of thier Thanksgiving and are able to wake up from thier Tryptophan/Serotonin induced coma for work tomorrow. PEACE OUT ERRY'BODY

SkiFree

(sorry the picture is soo squished. Google hates me. Oh well, I own 98% of thier stock)

Today's XKCD reminded me of a game I use to play alot when I was still using Windows 95. SkiFree was one of those games that ate up alot of time simply because you sit there pressing one button in a game where the background was on an infinite loop. So really it was something to do when you are done watching porn or being productive....or some sick combination of the two.

The only bad thing about this game is that there is this annoying snowman piece of crap. That eats you when you are winning. The moster looks a bit like this.


WHOOPS, That was for my political hero's post...hehehe. No, Hillary Clinton is awesome and I am sure she is doing a wonderful job as Secretary of State. (Woman...Secretary? sexism in the white house I see)

This is the monster


He likes eating people..and not in a good way. All in all, this was a good game and I think I am going to spend the next 38 days playing it. Though I will be taking regular porn breaks.... BYE GUYS

Ninjas

Sorry These last few posts have been late guys. You see, at work I have been doing 7~8 non-stop hours of outside stuff. Not to mention my usual black guys stuff and my daily attempts at world domination. Speaking of which, the nation of Ukraine is now Canada. Old Canada will no longer exist as a country. (WIN)

So about those ninjas. Like the homosexual community, ninjas keep the population in check. Thier natural prey consist of noobs, tools, important diplomats and phytoplankton.

Ninjas are normally found in the shadows, thier natural habitat, waiting for thier next kill. They are amoung the most patient predators known to man. However, global warming has pushed them out of thier natural habitat.



This picture shows a domesticated family of ninjas. Ninjas aren't normally in this type of environment but climate changes is pushing them into new areas.

NOT A NINJA



Though we never see them, ninjas play an important role in our societies and have given us many benefits. The invented the shuriken, poison and Hilary Clinton, the single greatest weapon ever.

Now to wrap this up, a archived news cast about ninjas

Ninja Parade Slips Through Town Unnoticed Once Again

Blast From the Past One

ITS POWER RANGERS TIME. Anyone from my generation would know that this was one of the greatest shows of our time. Now that we are not stupid, snot-nosed kids, we know it sucks. But let's reminicse on the good times we have.



This is such an awesome theme song. Just listening to it brings back memories. NOSTALGA BITCHES

So, episodes basically went like this:

1. Holy shit guys, we're in school
2. -Zordon calls-
3. I gots me a test Zordon, make it quick

~they go and get briefed~

4. OMFG WE CAN WIN

~meets villian and gets thier asses kicked~

5. OMFG ZORDON WE NEED HELP

~Calls giant, fucking robots from the sky~

6. YEAH LOOK AT MY SWEET NEW RIDE

~win/episode is over~

Such a good show right?

I like the power rangers because it gave me the illusion that minorities could be important. (THE BLACK RANGER WAS ACTUALLY BLACK). There was even an asian chick in there. That gave me hope for when I started hanging out with white kids. Red Ranger = greatest ranger ever. He's doing gay porn now ~claps hands~.

Lets not forget the villians


(Chocolate RAIIIIIIIIIIN)

I love Rita,,,,,she needs a perm though

And this guy (I still believe they used the same code as with Master Computer)


CPU BITCHES

Oh Power Rangers. I love the original show. But all this lightspeed rescue shit is ridiculous. Anyway, like it or hate it, Power Rangers are awesome

So Lazy

Well you wierdos, I realised that I am far to lazy to write an actual post today. Instead, please enjoy the following image

Lazy Saturday

Hey guys, welcome to another lazy Saturday. Though the day is almost over. Someone didn't wake me up earlier. They now live 3 miles underwater. The bad thing about weekends is I don't have any new material to bring to you guys. That will change in a few weeks though.

Alright, so apparently Nickelodeon has a new show called FanBoy and Chum Chum. Can someone say copyright infringement? I watched about 3 different episodes today and my favorite one based on StarWars. Thier janitor's name was Poopatine. He's married to some robot named Martha and has an affinity for kiddy porn. Another episode I saw had a Dr. Count Dracula. Apparently he majored in 'Accounting' (yeah, didn't see that shit coming) and is a real vampire. Though the show is kind of stupid I am gonna continue to watch it and you guys should to.

Like I said earlier this post is kinda boring. You see, unlike the millions of people out thier, my weekends are boring. I mean, I can only have so much sex in a day. Maybe I can get President Obama to help me with this blog. God knows he isn't doing anything else important. President of America, BIG WHOOP. Speaking of which, those idiot senators are talking about health care again. You Americans are paying for thier overtime so hahahahahaha. I was smart. I don't pay taxes.

Well, I am going back to sleep. I still have to get through the rest of that porn later. A more interesting post will come tomorrow. SO GET OFF MY BACK.

SEACREST OUT

Ahhhhhh, Friday

Well guys it's Friday and the weekend is finally here. I think I will finally take a break from my Communist agenda and promote some comedy today.

First ~> New Moon

The second movie in the Twilight series is out today and I gotta watch it. The thing is, I don't know if I want to watch it now or watch it with friends when I go back to America. If worse come to worst I will bootleg it. Fuck you international copyright laws. For those of you that like Twilight go out and watch this movie now. For those of you that don't like Twilight, go die. My friend James Harper over at Somewhat Funny Things has more info on this.

Number B ~> My Life is Average

Today while at work one of my co-workers came in singing "Age of Aquarious" I immediately jumped in and started singing to chorus much to the amusement of my other co-workers. I then proceeded to submit the story to MLIA. I work with the greatest people ever. MLIA


Roman Numeral 7 ~> So I was walking though this primary school (elementary school to you Americans who think you are so fucking great) and I realised that kids are mean. The hit each other, insult their teachers and use up massive amounts of oxygen that I need for my Crystal Meth lab. Good news though, that school is now located in Pakistan

9th ~> I am declaring tomorrow "International Wake up Day" Show your support by being concious tommorrow...or you will be eliminated.


MadScientist ....OUT