Reese's: The Greatest Thing EVAR

So today I found myself seriously craving some Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. You see, after two days of fighting those fucking Canadians, I needed some of these things. So anyway, I was on my way to my regular shaman (I have to go to him because he makes them with pure virgin blood) and the sucker tells me he is out of peanut butter. I was PISSED.

After a through raping by me,I left the deep jungles of Borneo and I decided that I had to buy them from WalMart. I fucking hate WalMart. Four and a half years ago while I was coming back from an assassination job, I had learnt that Seth McFarland and the Pope had contracted the owners of WalMart to kill my family. This didn't really upset me because my family is murdered every week (Thank God for cloning). What really upset me was that they broke my favorite vase. No one breaks my favorite vase.

This was the straw that broke the camals back. After a series of missions that are far too elaborate to explain, I got a bit of revenge. Seth McFarland got away from me through a technicality (fucking kindergarners). The Pope however was not so lucky. When they elected the new Pope I immediately told him who was boss. This is why Popes are no longer allowed in the states of Vermont, Maine Florida, Michigan or anywhere in souther Japan. I keep my secret supplies in these places.

(back to current day)
So I walked into WalMart and found my candy. The reason I don't like eating WalMarts brand is because they don't perform the dark rituals long enough. But, I got my candy, killed some Canadians and I am currently plotting my attack on New Zealand. I fucking hate kiwis.